I am here ...
I am a father who has not seen his son, Zemi Adore, since July 2008. Although I have not seen Zemi in over twelve years, I salvaged our filial relationship through letters I wrote him during our estrangement.
Collectively, they are a long love letter for Zemi divided into two stories. One recounts how the relationship between his mother and I began—two lost souls searching for love cross paths at a community theatre and instantly fall for each other only to have our raw unbridled passion be derailed by severe trust issues and untempered insecurities. This sets the stage for the rapid deterioration of our toxic relationship which ultimately ends with I parting ways with Zemi.
The other story begins where the first one ends—twenty seven days later—in which my countless attempts to reconnect with Zemi are not only sabotaged by his mother, but by my own inner demons, spiraling me deeper into the depths of depression. Confused about my place on this earth—my authentic self; my identity—I developed the belief—among many others—of being an utter failure, engendering self-berating thoughts. In an effort to silence these beliefs, I began to cope—unsuccessfully—with drugs, alcohol, and women. This story abruptly ends on July 2019.
I believe my experience will truly resonate with fathers who are not allowed to see their children, with couples who are in toxic relationships and have children, with single parent families, and with military families who struggle with long stretches of time that they are often forced to endure without meaningful contact with their children.
If you sympathize, please pick up a copy of my book titled Zemi—I am here … by clicking on this link. An e-copy runs for just $2.99 and the paperback version is valued at $12.99. If you own a NOOK, click here to get your e-copy for $2.99. Or if you have a dear friend who has or is going through something similar, forward them the link or direct them to my website.
Oh, and let me know what you thought by leaving a review on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. If they do not allow you to upload a review, no worries. Message it to me here and I will upload it myself.
Thank you for your time.
Jose Luis Paez …
when one is in a toxic relationship and in the clutches of depression, drugs and alcohol, and with a low opinion of oneself, parenting and fatherhood are non-existent.
i didn't used to think that i deserved the title father or dad, but despite not seeing my son in over twelve years--given how our story played out-- i wholeheartedly believe now that i have every right to consider myself a father and a dad and i do not need anybody's permission to regard myself as such.
this book was intended for my son's eyes only. however, the circumstances have changed. i was compelled to publish them to defend myself against untrue spoken statements that were laced with malicious intent. how many times has one parent had to bite their tongue while their character is being unjustly and unfairly assassinated? i will remain silent no more.
but that is not what my book is solely about. that was a mere impetus for releasing this raw and intimate work of a father fighting to maintain a connection with his son. a connection that was kept alive by my enduring love for him. my book can be interpreted as a cautionary tale about two selfish insecure parents' failure to set their bullshit aside and how that cost them the opportunity to start a family and raise their son properly. everyone looses when a family unit is broken up, mostly in time spent with one another. that can never be recovered.
this will not be an easy read, as some of the people who have read my book have told me.
but there is a lesson in there. and if you are in a similar situation as i am, hopefully you will be able to spot it and thus prevent my fate from occurring to you.
"Each word, each sentence reflects what it feels to live in the shadows, daydreaming with an encounter that never happened, with a bedtime story that has never been told..."
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